Winning people over requires some finesse and social skills. This is how you do it.
Don’t worry if you don’t feel like reading; you can enjoy the video below or watch it on YouTube:
1
Actually listen to what they have to say
The fastest way for someone to lose interest in you is to pretend you are listening to them, then follow up with something completely unrelated.
Imagine you’re telling someone about your latest vacation and they follow up with, “Yeah, and speaking of vacation, I bought a boat.”
The conversation suddenly moved towards them.
Even if you think you have something interesting to add, you need to understand when a conversation is not about you.
Instead, try to show some genuine interest and you might learn something about the person.
And if you don’t know how to do that, just ask follow-up questions or get clarifications.
Things like “What made you pick that vacation spot?” and “What’s the best thing about that place?” “Would you recommend it to other people?”
You see, it’s not that hard to not be a complete wall in a conversation.
The key to winning people over often lies in how well you listen, not just what you say.
When you listen actively, you make the speaker feel valued and understood.
2
Make them feel important
Everyone wants to feel important because they are the main characters in their own story.
So let them tell that story.
Let them act like the main character and treat them as such.
You see, empathy is about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and truly understanding their feelings and perspectives.
Whenever someone shares their experiences or problems with you, try to understand and feel what they are going through.
Respond with kind words, offer your support, and avoid judgment or unsolicited advice.
Show that you care about their well-being, not just as a colleague or acquaintance but as a human being.
Acknowledge their presence, their actions, and their thoughts.
That’s how you make them feel important.
3
Consistent reliability
Being reliable means being someone others can count on.
If you commit to doing something, ensure you follow through.
Whether it’s meeting deadlines, arriving on time, or keeping promises, reliability builds trust and shows that you value others’ time and expectations.
Start with small commitments to avoid overextending yourself, and gradually take on more responsibilities as you build confidence in your ability to deliver.
People are naturally drawn to and respect those who are dependable and trustworthy.
You will become someone everyone wants to have as a friend, because reliability and trust are pretty rare nowadays.
And this reliability is pretty straightforward to build. This is how you do it:
- You never commit to anything you are not 100% confident you can deliver.
- You follow through on whatever you say you’ll do, always.
- And lastly, and this is something very few people are aware of, don’t fall into the trap of never committing to anything to avoid being in a position where you can’t follow through.
You must commit to things. If you always say, “Maybe I will, but I can’t promise anything,” you’re not being clever.
You’re just unreliable.
4
Be calm and friendly in tense situations
A positive attitude can be infectious and is an attractive quality.
Try to maintain an optimistic outlook, especially in challenging situations.
This doesn’t mean ignoring problems, but rather focusing on solutions and opportunities for growth.
Be the person who uplifts others, offers encouragement, and sees the glass as half full.
A positive demeanor makes you approachable and can create a pleasant environment for everyone around you.
Moreover, friendliness can disarm conflict and open doors to better interactions.
This is something not many people can manage, especially if they have a short temper, but it’s something valuable to work towards.
It’s very hard to argue with someone who doesn’t want to argue but wants to find a resolution.
5
Respectful Communication
Or, in other words, don’t be a d*ck.
People love to use humor at other people’s expense as a way to make themselves look more interesting.
But the line between friendly banter and being a dick is a fine one.
People must earn respect, but that doesn’t mean you treat them disrespectfully until they do so.
You don’t have to agree with someone to see what they are trying to say.
Understanding their motivations and interests can help with better communication and building some kind of rapport.
You know you got this right when you can have a normal conversation with someone you don’t agree with.
In fact, communication is one of the core pillars of content for the Alux app. Throughout the years, we noticed that as our communication skills improved, so did the opportunities and quality of our circle.
If you want to learn from our experience and renowned branding experts, start your 7-day free trial in the Alux app. You’ve got nothing to lose but everything to gain.
6
Authenticity
Being genuine is magnetic.
In a world full of pretenders, authenticity stands out.
Show your true self in your interactions.
Share your genuine opinions, talk about your interests, and don’t be afraid to show your quirks.
Authenticity fosters deeper connections because people feel more comfortable and secure around those who are real with them.
It builds trust and respect.
People are drawn to individuals who are comfortable in their skin and who don’t feel the need to be accepted.
Plus, it’s easier to talk with a human being than with a mask.
7
Humility and graciousness
Humility is acknowledging that you don’t have all the answers, and that’s perfectly fine.
It involves admitting mistakes, being open to learning, and valuing others’ contributions.
Combine this with graciousness—appreciating what you have and not taking it for granted.
Express gratitude often, be graceful in both success and failure and show appreciation for even the smallest acts of kindness.
Honesty can diffuse tension quickly.
If you don’t know something, say that you don’t know it.
If you make a mistake, own it quickly.
This way, people will know you are real.
8
Lead by example
If you want someone to improve or change their behavior, demonstrate that behavior yourself.
The way you act, the way you talk and the way you present yourself set the tone.
People treat you differently when your presence silently demands it.
The reality is that people do judge a book by its cover.
And if they like the cover, they will keep reading.
9
Confidence without arrogance
Confidence is attractive; arrogance is not.
Be confident in your abilities, but stay grounded.
Show that you are competent without belittling others.
Confidence is about being assertive, not aggressive; it’s about being firm in your values and open to other perspectives.
This balance is crucial in winning people over, as it demonstrates strength of character without appearing overbearing or dismissive of others.
People want to be around people who look like they can handle themselves.
10
Body language awareness
Non-verbal cues play a significant role in communication.
Be aware of your body language!
Maintain an open posture, make appropriate eye contact, and use gestures that signal engagement and interest.
Avoid closed-off postures like crossed arms, which can signal disinterest or defensiveness.
Your body language should reinforce your words, creating a coherent and inviting presence that draws people in.
There is a really interesting study done on how body language affects not only your image of yourself but others too.
If you look strong and tall, you will feel more powerful and confident, and others will see that too.
If you make yourself small and defensive, people won’t take you seriously.
This becomes even more important when you’re dealing with someone in a higher position than you.
11
Offer help and support
People gravitate towards those who are helpful and supportive.
Offer your assistance proactively, whether it’s lending an ear to someone who needs to talk, helping a colleague with a project, or offering your skills to a friend in need.
This shows that you care about others’ success and well-being, not just your own.
However, ensure that your help is genuine and not a means to a hidden agenda.
Sincerity in your offer to help can build lasting relationships and trust.
12
Show appreciation
Regular expressions of gratitude go a long way in winning people over.
Acknowledge the efforts of others, thank them for their contributions, and show appreciation for even the smallest acts of kindness.
This could be as simple as a thank-you note, a public acknowledgment, or a word of encouragement.
People feel valued when their work and presence are appreciated, which in turn fosters positive feelings toward them.
13
Find common ground
If you’re looking to win people over, connecting over shared interests or experiences can quickly break down barriers.
Look for commonalities during your interactions.
It could be shared hobbies, mutual acquaintances, similar backgrounds, or even shared challenges.
This creates a sense of camaraderie and understanding. Conversations based on common ground are often more engaging and can lead to stronger relational bonds.
14
Allow others to save face
Never put someone else in a position where they feel embarrassed or humiliated, especially in public.
They will never forget it, even if it was something small.
Allow them to maintain dignity, even in difficult situations.
Give them the space to stand up for themselves and the trust to do so.
15
Avoid criticism
In the grand scheme of things, criticism leads to defensiveness.
You may think it’s constructive criticism but others won’t see it that way.
If you want to win people over, focus on encouraging them to do better rather than criticizing what they did wrong.
Nobody wants a spotlight over their own mistakes or shortcomings.
And lastly, we have a bonus.
Bonus
Remember their names
People love hearing their names.
Remember it, and use it actively in conversations with them.
It’s the most straightforward way to make them feel valued.
When you keep asking for people’s names after they have already told you, it will make them feel like they are spectators to the conversation, not part of it.
We hope you learned something valuable today about how to win people over. It’s not a skill you learn overnight, but if you practice it constantly, you’ll start noticing results sooner than you might expect. See you next time!
